


Pancake Day

by cameron_writes_nonsense



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: BLACKWING - Freeform, Fluff, Gen, PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Pancakes, dirk has a panic attack, pancake day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 07:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13677264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cameron_writes_nonsense/pseuds/cameron_writes_nonsense
Summary: Dirk discovers that Pancake Day isn't celebrated in America and resolves to give his friends a surprise. Things don't go to plan.





	Pancake Day

Farah Black had once been able to, almost completely truthfully, claim she regretted nothing. That had changed the moment she met Dirk Gently.

 

‘You’ve _never_ had a _Pancake Day_?’

 

Yes, Farah Black no long regretted nothing.

 

‘No, that’s not really a thing here.’ At least she could take comfort in the fact that she had another borderline normal person with her. Todd Brotzman was surprisingly adept at managing Dirk. The man-child in question suddenly gasped.

 

‘Oh, this is brilliant!’ Todd and Farah shared the same instantaneous reaction of ‘oh shit’. This was rapidly followed by a very careful cover-up of said reaction. No one in the world could withstand Dirk’s – always completely genuine – kicked puppy look at 9 AM. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on where you stood), Dirk had become completely absorbed in his own mind.

 

‘What’s brilliant?’ Todd’s tone perfectly reflected Farah’s apprehension perfectly.

 

‘Oh! Nothing, nothing. It’s fine.’ Oh, god. They were totally screwed. Dirk had very clearly had some sort of ridiculous idea or, worse, a hunch, and they were gonna have to take the fall for whatever trouble he got himself into while he pursued his goal.

 

And she was having such a good day.

 

\---

 

Dirk Gently was feeling an incredible mix of shocked, nervous and excited. For the first time, he knew something that Farah and Todd didn’t about a cultural custom. Granted, it was a British cultural custom, but now he finally had a tradition to share with them, rather than simply being invited along on their holidays.

 

He had some planning to do. Oh, and a shopping list to make.

 

Dirk hopped off to his desk, grabbing papers and a pen.

 

_ Shopping List: _

_Flour_

_Eggs_

_Nutella_

_Strawberries_

_Lemons_

_Sugar_

_Milk_

_Maple Syrup_

_Whipped Cream_

_Vegetable Oil_

 

_ How to distract Todd and Farah so that they don’t realise I’ve gone shopping without them: _

_Tell them I’m taking Mona for a walk_

_Sneak out_

_Lock them in a cupboard_

_Pretend I killed someone_

 

Dirk frowned. None of his plans were particularly feasible. And it had taken him three whole hours to come up with them. He scowled grumpily at the paper covered in scribbly handwriting, vaguely hoping he could will it into producing the perfect excuse.

 

‘You… doing okay there, Dirk?’ Dirk’s head shot up. Todd, of course.

 

‘Quite alright, thanks!’ He smiled what he hoped was a convincing smile.

 

Wait, where was Farah?

 

‘Where’s Farah?’ Todd chuckled.

 

‘She went to get lunch with a friend.’

 

‘Farah has friends that aren’t us?’

 

‘Dirk!’ Todd was full on laughing by this point. ‘That’s rude!’ Dirk hid his pleased smile at managing to make Todd laugh. The other man shook his head and elaborated. ‘Lydia Spring’s back in town.’ Dirk looked hurt.

 

‘Well, then why weren’t we invited?’ Todd burst out laughing again.

 

‘Probably because we threw her off a bridge?’

 

‘Oh, yes. Do you think we should apologise for that?’

 

‘We did but you were only semi-conscious for it so I don’t expect that you’d remember.’

 

‘Ah. Also, it was very late.’ Todd stifled his laughter.

 

Hold on a moment.

 

‘Todd!’ Dirk leaned forward excitedly. ‘Are there any of those always-open shops near here?’

 

‘Do you mean 24-hour stores?’ Dirk nodded enthusiastically. ‘Yeah, there’s one just on the corner.’

 

‘Perfect!’ Dirk completely missed Todd’s bemused look as he dove back into his plans.

 

\---

 

That night, Dirk waited until Farah and Todd had definitely gone to bed, before leaving via the fire escape. He found the always-open shop exactly where Todd had said it would be – good old Todd – and hurried about collecting his ingredients. Luckily, everything was there and in stock. He returned once again via the fire escape, this time clutching two bags of groceries. He carefully stocked the fridge and cupboards with the additions and crept quietly to bed, not forgetting to set his alarm early enough to wake up before Farah.

 

5:30. Beep. Beep.

 

Dirk jumped awake immediately. Pancake day! His first pancake day with people!

 

He leapt out of bed and dashed into the kitchen still in his pyjamas, to begin cooking.

 

Eggs, milk, flour in a bowl. Whisk. Add a bit of oil. Whisk more. Whisk lots and make sure there are no lumps. Make it perfect.

 

Frying pan. We have one of those, right? Yes! Oil in the pan, just a tad.

 

Fry the pancakes. Flip. Don’t risk it with just the pan yet, use a spatula. Okay, one down, eight to go.

 

Two.

 

Three.

 

Four.

 

Five.

 

Six.

 

Need more batter.

 

Seven.

 

Eight.

 

Nine.

 

Done! Decorating time!

 

Dirk checked the time. Still ten minutes until Farah woke up, and forty before Todd would. Excellent. Farah’s first. They had to be done before she woke up, or the surprise would be wrong.

 

_Wrong_. The word flashed through Dirk’s brain, a robotic cold voice coming back to him in a great rush.

 

_Nonononononononono. Not now. Not now, not now!_

 

Dirk saw as his hands began shaking. Stupid, stupid. He had to finish this for Todd and Farah.

 

Nutella, strawberries. Good. Lemon and sugar. Alright. Almost done. Just-

 

_Wrong._

 

Dirk dropped the maple syrup bottle.

 

Wrong.

 

Wrong.

 

Wrong.

 

Dirk convulsed.

 

‘Dirk? Dirk!’

 

He could feel hands on his.

 

‘Uh… just breathe, okay. What’s happening, are you okay? No, of course not, stupid question. Is it a panic attack? Should I get… I’m getting Todd.’

 

That much registered in Dirk’s brain.

 

‘No! No Todd.’

 

Farah’s face swam into view. Dirk gripped her hands.

 

‘No Todd.’ Farah frowned but nodded.

 

‘Okay. No Todd.’

 

Dirk stood shakily.

 

‘I’m sorry. I ruined the surprise.’ Farah finally looked around the kitchen.

 

‘What? I don’t… what exactly…’

 

‘It’s pancake day,’ said Dirk miserably. Farah gave him a blank look. ‘It’s like… you have pancakes for breakfast. It’s an English thing. I wanted to surprise you both. To have a tradition to share with you, like you shared Christmas and Halloween with me.’

 

There was a long silence. Dirk fidgeted.

 

‘Well, consider me surprised.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘You surprised me. Pancake day. Never even knew it was a thing until yesterday and now… well I guess now I’m celebrating it. C’mon, let’s get these finished before Todd is up.’

 

Dirk blinked.

 

‘O-okay. Okay.’

 

Hours later, when the trio finally made it to the office after Dirk’s insisting that lie-ins were a vital part of pancake day, Farah found a note on her desk.

 

_Thank you. Dirk._

 

Maybe Farah did regret nothing after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is literally my way of procrastinating writing any of my essays and the next chapter of Home is Where the Heart Feels Safe so I am sorry.


End file.
